Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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