So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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