so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
