Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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