did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
