i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
