well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
