wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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