Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
