i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
