Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
