She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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