Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
