I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
