I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You ruined the universe
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
