I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
