help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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