i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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