We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
