Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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