why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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