I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
