i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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