We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
