What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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