I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
