youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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