I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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