lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
