i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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