A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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