Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
