I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
