You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
