So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
