the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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