i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
