hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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