I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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