I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
