Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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