the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
