1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
