I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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