why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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