after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
