he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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