Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
