He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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