Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
