Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
