I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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